


How Could You?

by AlvaDomer



Series: Pain is Just Weakness [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2418452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlvaDomer/pseuds/AlvaDomer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when secrets are discovered and murder isn't an option?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could You?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kumikoko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kumikoko/gifts).



> Surprise surprise, another possibly triggering story from me. This takes place in the same timeline as my other stories, hence me putting it in the same series. However it is unrelated to Erwin. Just Armin being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Again.

                Armin trotted out to the barracks. He knew Bertholdt was there relaxing, and Reiner was probably with him. He was hoping his could hurry along a research report for Hanji with Bertholdt’s help, since Eren hated reading with a fiery passion. It didn’t help that he had the word comprehension of a third grader. At most.

 

                The windows were open, and Armin’s hand froze above the doorknob as he heard voices float from underneath the warped glass. “You really think we should tell them?” Bertholdt was murmuring, voice shaking, and Armin could hear him cracking his knuckles nervously.

 

                “They should know the truth.” Reiner’s reply was unsettlingly foreboding.

 

                “But how?” Bertholdt cried, and Reiner shushed him. In a quieter voice, he continued, “How could they forgive us? They already know about Annie.” Armin’s breath caught in his throat. “What would they do once they found out we were the Armored and Colossal Titans?” All the color drained form Armin’s face. It was so blunt; the admission of guilt was so painfully obvious that Armin could feel his gut continually twisting tighter and tighter.

 

                What should he do? What should he do?! Reiner—Bertholdt—really those evil creatures? They were his friends; his comrades; his brothers in arms. He couldn’t just…just…if he told, Hanji would rip into them like a mad dog. Or Eren might kill them before she got the chance. They’d probably be tortured, spared absolutely no mercy. It had to be a joke. There was no way it could be true.

 

                Right?

 

                But Armin felt the truth creeping up his spine like the hairy legs of a venomous spider. And he recognized that feeling. It was fear.

 

                “I’m going to get lunch,” Bertholdt announced, and Armin gasped, pressing against the wall and sucking in his breath. As the door opened, his friend strolled right past him blindly. Seriously? It was that easy to hide from him? Maybe the height difference was an advantage after all.

 

                He let out a sigh of relief. “Hey Armin, what’re you doing out here?” Armin’s sigh turned into a startled gasp as his head snapped to the right. Reiner was standing right beside him, his shadow looming over the blond.

 

                “I…I was coming to ask for Bertholdt’s help,” Armin sputtered, motioning to the books under his arm. “But-but don’t worry! I think I can handle it now!” his voice continued to rise as he struggled to remain calm. It wasn’t working. Reiner took hold of Armin’s wrist.

 

                “I think we should have a little chat,” he growled, and Armin immediately began twisting violently.

 

                “Reiner, let go of me!” Armin shouted, but Reiner ignored him, dragging him into the empty barracks. As he kicked the door shut behind them, Armin threatened, “I’m going to scream!”

 

                Reiner released him and Armin jerked away, rubbing his wrist sensitively. “So,” Reiner leaned in, “how much did you hear?”

 

                Armin closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them, narrowed with fury. “Enough,” he hissed, and Reiner crossed his arms. Trembling with rage, Armin finally burst. “How could you?!” he cried. “I—we trusted you!” Reiner cocked an eyebrow and let him continue. “You saved my life! And you’re one of those—you’re both those monsters?! Why would you do that? What-” Reiner made a sudden lunge for Armin, but Armin jumped back nimbly. His time with Erwin had taught him to be much faster.

 

                Breaking into a fighting stance, feet spread to brace for impact, he unsheathed his training knife. “Oooh, look at Arlert. What’re you going to do? Try and slit your wrists again like at Trost?” Reiner sneered.

 

                Armin was hyperventilating. “I trusted you!” he snarled. “I told you everything.” Armin squeezed his eyes shut as he was assaulted by memories.

 

              _Reiner and Armin were sitting on the lower bunk Armin and Eren shared, waiting for their best friends to get back from training. The four had been broken into teams of two, and if Armin hadn’t been paired with Reiner, who knew when he would have finished the practice mission._

_“Hey Armin, if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?” Reiner suddenly asked, staring at the wooden slats of the bunk above._

_“What? Why are you asking that?” Armin questioned, caught completely off guard._

_“Dunno. I’m bored.”_

_“Well then…I would want to see the ocean,” Armin decided with a curt nod._

_It was Reiner’s turn to look confused. “Ocean? What’s that?” Armin lit up instantly._

_“It’s an enormous body of water!” he explained eagerly. His hands were darting in the air as he grew more and more excited. “The strangest thing is, the entire thing is mixed with salt!”_

_“What the hell?!”_

_“No, really!” Armin insisted. “If you let it evaporate, nothing is left but salt! And animals can live in it! There are fish that can completely filter the salt out, and-and there’s dogs with fishtails, and these weird snakes that breathe like fish—but the dogs are mammals! That means they breathe regular air like us, but they spend almost their entire lives in water!” Reiner cocked an eyebrow._

_“Who told you this bullshit?” he snorted._

_“My grandpa had this big book, and it was all about the outside world! There were amazingly detailed pictures and descriptions of the wildest things I couldn’t make up if I tried!”_

_Reiner crossed his arms. “Like what?”_

_“Plains of ice, rivers of fire, and in a far off land there’s desert that’s made of nothing but sand!”_

_Reiner was silent for a moment. “…Really?”_

_“Yeah!” Armin chirped. “And Eren, Mikasa, and I are going to see it all!”_

_“You’re not afraid of the Titans?”_

_“My parents wanted to see the outside world, and nothing’s going to stop me either!” Reiner gave him a slap on the back and laughed._

_“I underestimated you Arlert! Maybe you’re not as much as a wimp as I thought.” Armin beamed despite his stinging back. Approval from the seventeen year old felt more amazing than he imagined._

_“Thanks!”_

 

“I thought you actually cared about me. And now—now this?” As Reiner took a step forward, Armin stood his ground. “Stay away from me, Reiner,” he warned, grip tightening on the blade handle.

 

                “You know?” Reiner asked, picking at his nails, “I really don’t want to.” Armin didn’t run, predicting Reiner’s lunge.

 

                Instead, Armin ducked. Reiner lurched past him, hands grabbing at air, and Armin pivoted on his heel. “You can tell me it was a joke now,” Armin tried, swallowing hard. But he was ignored. Another sidestep and Reiner rushed past him. It was like dodging a bull; put on a show long enough, and eventually help would come to subdue the maddened animal. He was in the same situation—the wounds wouldn’t have to be deep; just deep enough to act as a distraction; deep enough for Armin to get away. “What are you going to do, kill me?” Armin panted, measuring the distance between Reiner and the door. “So you snap my neck, or you take my knife. Then what?”

 

                Reiner’s ugly smirk melted away. “You’re not going to get in my head, Arlert,” he growled, but Armin didn’t hesitate.

 

                “Why? Afraid I’ll make you realize what you’ve done is wrong?” Armin tested. When Reiner remained silent, Armin continued, “See? You’re wrong and you know it! Eren and Mikasa’s mom is dead because of you! My grandpa is gone!” he couldn’t stop talking. The longer he stalled, the more likely someone was to walk in. “But you didn’t want those things to happen!” Reiner’s jaw dropped. “You’re a good person; it wasn’t supposed to happen like that, right?”

 

                “Shut up!” Reiner snarled. “You don’t know anything about me!”

 

                “I know your name in Reiner Braun, and that you _earned_ your rank as second in our squad. I know that you’ve always been honest with all of us, and that you’re passionate about your role as a soldier. And I know that you wanted to see the rest of us succeed, because you care about us!”

 

                “Shut up, Armin! Shut up-shut up-shut up!”

 

                “I know that Bertholdt is one of the most important people in the world to you, and that neither of you could have meant this betrayal! I know that you’re good people—that you’re a good person, Reiner!”

 

“Don’t you bring Bertl into this, bastard,” Reiner spat, and charged. Armin was ready. He crouched, knife still suspended, and sliced open the older boy’s arm as he rushed past. “Crap!” Reiner let out a loud curse when the blade raced down his forearm. “You motherfucker,” he hissed, grabbing at the open wound. Armin flinched as specks of blood dotted his face.

 

Stay calm. He had to stay calm.

 

                “Look at what you did!” Reiner cried, shoving the open wound in front of Armin’s eyes. The older boy’s face, contorted with more shock than anything, slowly melded into one of sadistic amusement. “Nice try, kid.”

 

 

                Stay calm.

 

 

                A sizzling sound began to fill the room, and Armin couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight before him. Reiner’s open flesh began stretching over the exposed muscle, merging back together flawlessly. There was no scar.

 

                Calm.

 

                The blood evaporated off Armin’s face. He watched the last of the condensation vanish into the air.

 

                Calm.

 

                “No…” Armin whispered, frozen in horror. “You…I…” one more time, the phrase escaped from his lips, “We…I trusted you.”

 

                “Welcome to the real world, you naïve piece of crap. You should learn not to put such blind faith into everybody. I guess I’ll be the one to teach you that lesson.”

Armin turned to run. But when he spun away, Reiner grabbed his wrist, and Armin plunged his knife into Reiner’s shoulder.

 

                There was no thought.

 

                No hesitation.

 

                Just defense.

 

                “Ow, that one really did hurt,” Reiner complained mockingly. He reached up and plucked the knife like a daisy from the dirt. The blood evaporated off the blade and Armin stumbled back as Reiner approached. “I don’t think you realize just how much stronger I am than you,” he laughed.

 

               _“Armin, you’re going to fall behind!” Reiner cried, and Armin wanted to rear and snap,_ thanks _! But then his gear was ripped from his back, and Reiner slung it over his shoulder along with his own. That was sixty-five extra pounds, but the older boy didn’t even blink. How was he so incredibly strong?!_

_As they splashed through the rain, Armin clenched his jaw._ I’d rather die than live as a burden. _He sprinted forward and snatched his bag back, slipping it on with fire in his eyes. Reiner smiled approvingly. “You might just live, kid!” he called, and Armin couldn’t hold back his grin._

 

                But that approving smile was gone now, replaced by one driven by a need for revenge. Armin could hardly contain his puke, thinking back to the times he would have probably failed out of training without Reiner. The one-hundred-fourth was Armin’s family, and now…now this was happening. This attack Armin still wasn’t sure was completely real. But Reiner grabbed Armin’s shirt, threw him down onto his bed, and was quickly on top of him. “I’m going to make sure you don’t talk,” Reiner hissed.

 

The bigger blond pulled his shirt over his head, revealing a body so thick with muscle that he rivaled Erwin. He could snap Armin’s spine if he wanted to.

 

There had to be a way out of this. There had to be something he could say. “Wait!” Armin squeaked. “What-what would Berwick think of you doing something like this?”

 

                Reiner sucked in a painful gasp and Armin prayed the triggered memory would bring forth mercy.

 

               _“Pssst, Reiner, are you okay?” Armin whispered. Reiner’s eyes snapped open, finding Armin leaning over him, face twisted with concern._

_“Yeah,” Eren added, his head popping up at the edge of the bunk ladder. “You were screaming pretty loud.”_

_“It was just a nightmare you guys,” Reiner sighed._

_“Need to talk about it?” Armin murmured softly as Eren climbed up beside them._

_Reiner took a deep breath. “I…I told you guys Bertl and Annie are from my village. Well…we had a friend—Berwick.” Bertholdt’s eyes darkened and he stared at the bed sheets. “He was a damn good friend. And I just…I see him. When the Walls broke, and the Titans attacked…” Reiner suddenly looked like he was about to puke. “Our village is in the mountains, and by the time warning came, it was already too late. We…we were attacked and…he pushed me out of the way.” Reiner began pulling at his hair. “And I see him…damn it, I see him. And every time he's reaching for me, screaming my name and then…then he’s fucking gone and I…” he turned and punched the wall. “It’s just not fair!”_

_Armin had never seen the older boy so vulnerable. Reiner had at least a foot and almost a hundred pounds on him. He had always just assumed he was as tough mentally as he was physically. Armin was a boy, but Reiner was a man in his eyes, and men didn’t cry. Right? Yet there Reiner was, face contorted with the pain of never being able to see someone again. “We all lost someone that day,” Eren muttered, and Reiner nodded slowly._

_“I’m sorry about your friend,” Armin murmured. “He sounds like he was really brave.”_

_“Yeah…” Reiner replied, quickly wiping his eyes. “He was.”_

 

                “Don’t you fucking dare go there!” Reiner roared, and Armin screamed as his fist collided with his jaw. This wasn’t the strong supportive soldier he had admired. Armin was being held down by a monster.

 

                As the first tears began to trickle down Armin’s face, he gritted his teeth. “Just wait until Eren find out what you did to me. I won’t even have to tell him—he’ll figure it out,” Armin tried, mustering up all the courage he had left. But an involuntary scream burst from his throat as Reiner ripped open his white pants, the button flying into oblivion. He was really doing this?!

 

                “I’ve had enough of your shit, kid,” Reiner snarled, and Armin’s pants were easily torn from his desperate fingertips and tossed on the floor carelessly. At the sight of Armin’s legs, Reiner’s eyes bulged, a gasp slipping through his lips. “Wait—Armin, what happened?” he asked, staring at the vicious hand-shaped bruises that poked out of the edges of his boxers and curled around his ankles.

 

                “Don’t suddenly pretend to care,” Armin spat. “I’m afraid someone already beat you to me,” he added, his biting sarcasm eagerly digging its fangs into Reiner’s ego.

 

                “You condescending little bitch!” Reiner snarled. “You don’t think I can do it, do you?” Armin’s breath caught in his throat as he watched the mounting fury in the older boy’s eyes.

 

                Trembling, Armin flashed a nervous smile. His patronizing tone instantly vanished and was replaced by one honey-slick. “You-you really don’t have to. You’ve scared me enough Reiner! I-I won’t tell anyone, I swear! You really, really don’t have to hurt me.”

 

                Reiner grabbed Armin’s shoulders and shoved him against the mattress. “There it is,” he hissed, and Armin’s face twisted with confusion. “That innocent little grin you use to get out of trouble. Well guess what, Armin? You’re not going to sweet-talk your way out of this.” Reiner’s eyes continued to grow darker as he talked, and Armin was practically choking on his heart as it leapt into his throat. “I always hated the way you wielded your innocence like a weapon,” Reiner spat, and Armin began to whimper. “The way you could twist your way out of punishment with those big blue eyes. Always acting so pure; so damn fuckable.”

 

Armin felt all blood drain from his face. “I-I-” he sputtered. He still couldn’t understand. Reiner couldn’t be serious. Armin had always looked up to the larger blond.

 

But then again, he had looked up to Erwin too.

 

“I’m going to put you in your fucking place,” Reiner continued to growl. “Maybe then we’ll see how you feel about threatening people. Didn’t your dad teach you how to pick fights? You shouldn’t have messed with someone bigger than you—especially me.”

 

Armin was hyperventilating audibly, unable to look away from Reiner’s furious eyes. That wasn’t fair; Reiner knew about Armin’s parents. He knew because Armin had trusted him; had told him everything. He blinked and all he could see was the big brother he always wanted but never had. It felt like a blow to the gut, hearing the mention of his father. What kind of brother would say that?

 

What kind of brother would do this?

 

_“What did your parents think of you joining the military?” Reiner asked as he, Bertholdt, Eren, and Armin chatted cross-legged on the two older boys’ bunk._

_Armin averted his gaze. “Um, actually…no parents…not anymore.”_

_“Oh…oh shit, sorry Armin,” Reiner muttered. The smaller blond went stiff as he was suddenly wrapped in a warm hug. His mouth parted slightly in shock as Reiner held him tightly. The next thing he knew, he felt his lower lip trembling, and he couldn’t hold back the tears. “Hey, that’s badass as fuck that you decided to become a soldier on your own. I have no idea what I would’ve done without my parents kicking my ass.”_

_The blonde's fists dug into the older boy’s shirt. “Thank…thank you, Reiner.”_

 

Now Armin was back under Reiner, staring with horrified eyes that were quickly welling with tears. “I’m sorry—I’m really, really sorry,” he sobbed, but his fear fell on deaf ears. Armin’s shirt was torn open, but his shriek was cut off by Reiner’s kiss. It wasn’t passionate. It was just as greedy as Erwin’s; only happening to show Armin that he was the one in control; that Armin was at his mercy. And that he wouldn’t be getting any.

 

As Armin pushed pathetically against Reiner’s chest, Reiner bit at his lip, sliding off his own pants as he pulled at Armin’s soft flesh with his teeth. Armin jerked back violently, ignoring the blood that began to dribble down his chin. He was too terrified of Reiner’s raging erection. Armin turned to the side and was finally able to vomit. Reiner was actually getting a kick out of this. He was enjoying forcing himself on Armin. “Like what you see?” Reiner sneered, yanking off Armin’s underwear. He flipped the smaller boy over, gathering both of his wrists in one fist in spite of his struggle.

 

“Don’t, please!” Armin wailed as he was groped shamelessly.

 

Reiner’s knees dug into the back of his own as he took Armin in a headlock, holding him in place so that Reiner could force his way into him. Armin’s mouth popped open in a silent scream, choked off by the elbow around his throat, as he felt the tip begin to press between his ass cheeks. “Stop-stop!” he shrieked voicelessly, Reiner’s grip tightening the more he thrashed.

 

“You’re still tight as shit for not being a virgin,” Reiner grunted, and Armin was racked with excruciating pain as Reiner struggled to fit. “Should’a got lube,” he muttered as tears dripped onto the sheets. “Fuck it.” The pressure left Armin’s hips for a moment then stars were shooting in his eyes as Reiner rammed into him.

 

Every nerve in his body seemed to burst into flames, and Armin went limp from how much it hurt. “You feel even better than I imagined,” Reiner groaned, and Armin let out a high pitched whine. He clenched in an attempt to force Reiner out of him, but the older boy only moaned, beginning to pump in and out against Armin’s anal walls, which were straining against him to try to keep him from going any deeper. “I like the long hair,” Reiner sneered as he entangled his fingers in Armin’s locks, yanking the boy’s head back as he thrust harder and harder.

 

Armin was finally able to release a scream, but Reiner quickly clapped a hand over his mouth. “Shut up,” Reiner snarled, and with a thrust more vicious than any other, Armin began to feel a warm liquid run down his thighs. “Oh shit, you’re bleeding,” Reiner announced, and Armin could only continue to cry as images poured into his head.

 

_“Oh shit, you’re bleeding,” Reiner gasped, glancing down at the boy he had snatched up, whose head was bouncing as he was carried like a football._

_“Reiner, I have a head injury. You’re making it worse,” Armin wanted to point out, but he was still too stunned by the fact that he had just been spared by a Titan._

_“Don’t worry, you’ll be alright. You’re safe with me,” Reiner assured him, and Armin couldn’t comprehend whether he felt more scared or assured. Although, he had just watched Reiner slice through a Titan’s fingers to escape certain death._

_Definitely more assured._

 

“Are you sure you’re not a virgin?” Reiner asked with mild curiosity, snapping Armin back to reality with another painful thrust. Armin couldn’t remember how to form words. Jumbled noises left his mouth instead, warped by a tongue driven numb with pain.

 

He shoved Armin’s face into the pillow and began rocking even faster. He snickered at the boy’s muffled squeals, finally moaning, “Shit, I’m cumming.” He pulled out and thick ropes of sperm splattered across Armin’s back. Armin continued to cry as the boy who he thought was his friend finished, groaning through the last waves of pleasure. “Damn you’re disgusting,” Reiner jeered, his face scrunching up at the sight of the bloody boy laced with cum. “I don’t know what you’re doing in the military. You should be in a whorehouse where you belong, you lying slut.” Reiner lifted up Armin by his hair and hissed in his ear, “Because that’s what you are, right? A liar about what you think you know about me—an easy one at that.” Reiner plunged Armin’s knife into the pillow, narrowly avoiding his face. “Try anything and next mission? I promise I won’t hesitate to kill you.” Armin never stopped sobbing. “I’m glad we understand each other. Next time learn to mind your own damn business. You brought this upon yourself.” Armin squirmed weakly beneath him, trying to shake his head. “You know it’s true. So watch your fucking back.”

 

Reiner slithered off him and pulled his pants back on with a satisfied grin. As his head emerged from the hole in his shirt he added, “Oh, and tell whoever else is fucking you thanks for the sloppy seconds. I knew you’d be a good fuck.” With that, he zipped up his jeans and strolled out the door, whistling cheerfully.

 

Armin curled into a tight ball, his tears never-ending. The same person who had protected him had reduced him to an abused little toy. Reiner was right. Erwin had turned him into a worthless slut. He did deserve this. Why else would his own friend do something like this?

 

Armin looked at the knife beside him. He slowly pulled it out and sat up, staring at his reflection in the blade. No more Reiner. No more Commander Erwin. He couldn’t take this.

 

Eyes shut tight, he held the steel against his wrist. Seconds crawled by like hours before the knife finally slipped from his trembling hand, colliding with the floor harmlessly. He was such a coward. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even end his own pain. He deserved all of this.

 

Just like with Erwin, slowly putting his clothes back on over his soiled body was the only thing he could do. Accept whatever happened and cry. That’s all he could ever do.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Zip It](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2839793) by [Lambalicious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lambalicious/pseuds/Lambalicious)




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